Decision, Decisions, Decisions…

Rants and Raves

So, I have a slight dilemma. To get a car or not to get a car? that is one of my many questions. One other question is To travel or not to travel? and finally, why are my parents so controlling?

My situation is that I have taken a gap year from university to do stuff. Stuff that I’ve always wanted to do or opportunities to do new things, however I feel as if I am anchored and chained down…

To get a car or not to get a car?

As you may or may not know, I have recently passed my driving test and qualified to drive on the road, however I don’t have a car. So I have been researching intensively for the best car within my budget and also quotes for insurance companies.

Surprisingly, I have been quoted really good offers and by this, I mean my insurance for a first time driver is remarkably low, especially in comparison with my friends. Surely that’s a good enough reason to buy a car? It could also get me from one place to another too.

But the things that are stopping me is the money. I have the money to buy the car and insurance but after that there’s not much left to do anything else. Another thing are my parents (which I may emotional speak about later in the post)

To travel or not to travel?

I love the idea of travelling and would love to divulge myself into other cultures. I also have a love for languages which only fuels my thirst to go out there and see the whole wide world. Again, from my research, I can get flights for as cheap as chips (English expression right there), and I also have friends abroad in Norway and Germany that I am very keen to visit within the near future. I also would love to visit Russia as I am learning the language (for the fun of it anyway) and it would make sense to make the most of my new found skills.

So… What’s stopping me? Well, if I can just about afford a car with insurance etc, then surely money isn’t an issue? Well, you’re right, I can afford to do all these things with efficient planning and research (i.e. researching Hostels, booking with Ryannair flights, etc). But what is delaying me to do the things I want to do on my year off from university?

The only reason I can think of are my parents. So here is the next part if my post…

Why are my parents so controlling? 

I’ve never been an angelic child. I’ve never been clever either. I can’t even speak my mother tongue as well as I should.. But yet again, my family aren’t so perfect. Nobody is perfect and everyone should know this. We should all live the lives we want to live (provided it is within good reason). So, why is it that my parents do not approve of most of the things I do?

I’ve disobeyed my parents for more times than I could remember, and surely they would just give me the freedom to be who ever I want to be as a human being, or just let me do it because they know they cannot always have a say on my life. I feel that I just am not free as I would like to be. I feel like I’ve never had the support to do the things I want to do. And this gives me this heavy, dark, guilty feeling, that I may just do something that I cannot undo.

I want to make mistakes, that way I can learn from it. I want to try new things, that way I can expand my knowledge. I want to meet new people, that way we can share new experiences and build new friendships.

If I want to buy a car as soon as I have passed my test, then why shouldn’t I? Maybe because I am not earning any money but that shouldn’t stop me if I have saved up for it. I can plan my finances until I graduate and still be left with something. I could even just get a job like the rest of the world.

If I want to go travelling and see the world, then why shouldn’t I? Because I shouldn’t travel alone? That I may meet the wrong people? Be held for random? possibly murdered? Fuck that! I have more chance of death in your solitude!

This may sound very selfish and I can understand that, but it’s my life at the end of the day. I’ve already accepted the fact that my parent won’t be around forever… so can I live somewhat before it’s too late? Do the things I want to do? Search and pursue my happiness that I want? What’s the definition of selfish when I want to do something, and somebody else wants me not to do it just for the sake of not letting me do it?

I can give a reason to why I want to do something, however my parents cannot give justify saying no to me.

I don’t know what to do any more.

Anyone please help? Maybe I am being too selfish, I don’t know, I just don’t know..

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2 thoughts on “Decision, Decisions, Decisions…

  1. My life is quite different than yours. My parent’s even so I can tell sometimes they struggling with accepting some stuff they never forbid me of any life choices. But then you mentioned you disobeyed them quite a lot, while I never did so when I was younger. Do you think it maybe reason behind their behaviour? Maybe they want for you the life, they didn’t have? Maybe they don’t want you make mistakes they did? Or maybe simply they are protective of you? They simply may not feel like you are ready to make your own decisions yet.
    I am not trying to tell you, you are selfish, because to enjoy the life you should be anyway. I mean try to understand them? Also what I noticed on my personal experiences parent’s need to learn to let you go. And if they are the “caring type” it doesn’t help if you for example still live with them or rely to much on them.

    My advice to you will be, try to gain freedom slowly, make them realize you are an adult and are capable on making your own decisions. If you want to take your life in your hands, start from showing, you are able to take care of yourself.

    You took a year off study right? You also just got driving licence and you need to realize that your parents might not be ready mentally to let you go so suddenly. Are you a first born by any chance?
    Try to go easy on them. Maybe instead of shooting” I want a car” start from” I am planning to get part time job and maybe save for a car”. It will give your parents a time to get used to an idea, you are trying to live your own life but at the same time won’t make them feel they are “not needed any more”. It will also make them feel that you are old enough to rationally make decisions instead of making them feel like you are a “child that want a new toy”.
    At the end parents are human too. They maybe overprotective, have high expectations but all they need is for you to assure them you can take care of your life yourself. You are right, life is yours, but don’t be to harsh on them. There was a time when they gave up their life for you and now they want to make sure, you will be fine without them.

    I hope it helps you see other point of view, even if you will disagree.

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  2. Hi, thanks for your comment. I do disagree slightly but it definitely has got me thinking in a different perspective. Although it is right to think that I should respect my parent’s a bit more and gain freedom slowly, I, on the other hand, think differently. For as long as I have remembered, I have done things slowly and done exactly what my parents asked (possibly because I didn’t know any better). It wasn’t until I was 16/17 years old when I would voice my opinions a bit more. People around me tend to have more freedom, it’s just so difficult that I can’t do the same things my friends would do because of my parents. I strongly believe that I can “go places” and achieve more, but I just feel held back. I feel that there are too many traditions that I am obliged to keep and I feel that my personality and goals have significantly changed to what my parents think. I will see what will happen in the future and keep you updated. Thanks for your advice

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