5th February 2015.

Life's Lessons, Rants and Raves

19 years ago my uncle who I never really knew, passed away. No one in my family really talks about this as it’s such a sensitive subject, but when you piece together the little facts you kinda get the story. Anyway, my late uncle was the eldest of four, and of the all the siblings, he was closest to my dad and closest to their parents (my grandparents). My family has never been perfect nor will they ever be… But I don’t care, they’re still family. There have been several serious fallouts between my uncles and aunts in the past, resulting in the situation I have today. A isolated and distanced, family.

My late uncle’s two sons (The cousins who I never knew) had moved away somewhere in the country with their mother, and no one in our family ever saw them after that. This emotionally destroyed my grandmother but also my dad, who promised his brother he would look after them. My dad tried finding them but never succeeded and I guess he always felt guilty for not doing so.

I only consider my family only consisting of my grandparents, parents, and brother… That’s it. I know I have relatives but they’re just people whom I share the same blood somewhere down the line.

A few days ago, my aunt showed up at the door and it was such a surprise! especially so, considering the fact my family moved houses and hadn’t told anybody to our whereabouts. I still haven’t forgotten one of the reasons why my family stopped talking to my aunt… perhaps it had something to do with kicking out her own mother, out of her home.

Anyway, she showed up and things may have got weird. She showed up crying, calling for her mum, and holding on to her. My Chinese isn’t so good but I knew this was serious. I had never seen my grandma cry so much in my life! And for that hour, we had forgotten why everybody stopped talking to each other because it wasn’t about the bad that had happened. No… It was about one of my cousins returning.

19 years… No calls, no letters, no nothing. A grandchild to my grandmother was not such a child any more. More of a 26 year old man. The shock was mutual for both my cousin and my family. I guess I now understand why my grandma cares so so much about me and my brother… We’re the only grandchildren she really ever saw growing up.

This post has nothing to do with me but rather, everything to do with the darkness that surrounds my family. I’m beginning to understand more about the past and why certain family members are the way they are.

Things are still early at the moment, but there’s so much catching up to do. Not just for me, but for my dad, mum, granddad, and especially grandma. Sure, things are also slow but that’s probably the best approach when dealing with something like this. I just really feel for my grandma… I can’t really elaborate on much but it has taken so long for me to try to express my mind recently.

I’m never one to feel much emotion but this… this has shocked everyone. I’ve never been so teary-eyed in a long long time, but when I wrote this post, it really has hit something to my heart and to everyone else.

I tried to imagine myself in my cousin’s shoes and I guess the thing I most wanted to say to you as readers is, you shouldn’t take family and loved ones for granted, one day they may just disappear and your whole life can change. Be grateful, because to someone, that may mean the world to them.

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